If I could be...

...a song, I would be Enya's Only Time

...a word, I would be Zeitgeist

...an element, I would be water

...a book, I would be Norweigian Wood

........

When I feel beautiful, I wish you would be there to look at me...

Wisdom of the Old

The great wheel of Karma slowly but nonetheless surely turns...and if you learn to listen a little carefully, you can hear the creaking of its nuts and bolts as it turns and prepare for the change... but it often takes years of patient waiting and constant anticipation before it actually happens, and even then the swiftness of it can take you completely by surprise.. probably because you start thinking that the status quo will remain forever, simply because it has remained like that for as long as you can remember- a kind of numb complaescency sets in even without you realising it..

Then there are those who are so hell bent on moving the wheel themselves, they push and pull and heave ho and puff and get all flustered and red in the face when it doesnt budge an inch even with their greatest effort. They become glum and frustrated and assume things wont come to pass ever- bred as they are on an infrastructure focussed on instant gratification- instant food, instant messenger, instant riches and even instant spirituality. Patience is an increasingy unnecessary virtue in the world of today and can be supposedly done away with.

I suppose that is what is called wisdom of the old... to know when to wait... and know when to no more..

When the time is ripe
The clouds shall burst forth
And brown will give way to green and pink and gold....

Water Dreams

To wear a water necklace
To wear a liquid dress
To flow unrestricted
To really touch

To be life’s essence
For life to be me
To be restless
To be calm
To be gentle yet tough

To be the silence of depth and depth of silence…

Cogito, ergo sum

A friend of mine recently complained that language is so crucial a crutch for him that he cant think without words. Made me start thinking if any of us can?

Are we limited in our thinking because of language? Is articulation an end result of thinking or we can only think what we can articulate? I think it is the classic chicken and egg question- what came first?

How did the early man think before the invention of language? Did he grow more sophisticated in his thinking with access to ever expanding vocabulary in language?

Shifting Ground...

Days turning into weeks, weeks flowing into months, months melting into years… only one constant- the passage of time, and always, same old me, only me… the only difference being that I am not so sure anymore who is that me.

I always lived by this principle that with age you become more sure of yourself, of what you stand for, what you believe in…maturity is the term given to that solidification of reference points, by which you try to bring some semblance of sanity to your life in this chaotic world. For me this process is happening in a surprisingly reverse order- the colored particles in the kaleidoscope of my life churning faster than ever, and I struggling frantically to maintain my balance on the shifting ground beneath my feet- just like those acrobats which walk on ropes in circuses, their entire being focusing on only the next step, the next moment…no big plan in place except to maintain a balance for as long as it takes…

While this may sound very exciting on the surface, after a point of time, even walking on rope becomes a reflex action- utilizing a remarkably tiny part of your mind.. and what you are left is an enormously vacant brain, with nothing to do except to clumsily try to connect dots and hope the dots connect to form lines which lead somewhere… In my case, I keep getting circles, one after another, with the result that I have no reference points left- don’t know where the circle begins, and where it ends.

I am beginning to understand the popularity of religion in society now- its chief function is to give people something to believe in… a complete loss of faith in everything is not a stable state of existence- you are prone to hysteria, gloom, anger and other such strong emotions which can have a severely detrimental affect on your sanity…

The typical answer of humanity to inexplicable happenings in life is fate, destiny, karma.. but how can something as fickle as destiny be any source of comfort, especially for a control freak like me? Too many questions straining my nerves, whom do I turn to for answer? There is a certain peace in certainty, oh how I crave for that peace…to just know.

Girls wont cry, either.

An Open Letter


Dear Mr. Dawkins,

I recently read your book The God Delusion and you must congratulate yourself on hearing that it had the desired effect on me, which you were expecting for all your readers. I have had complete loss of faith. I must say, this was the most influential book I have read so far, and being a bookworm, I have read many. It was one of those experiences of my life which forced me to challenge long held familiar and comfortable beliefs and in this case, forced them to die a bloody death.

And I am proud to possess the objectivity, the openness of mind which is required to let in new ideas while driving out obsolete ones. Well, when I tell most believers around me about my loss of faith, I get all kinds of reactions, from incredulity to curiosity to pure hatred. But all these reactions have one thing in common; they are all intense, strong reactions. The typical conversation is quite amusing for me, and gives me an insight into the blinding effect religion has on its believers in a way which when I was a believer myself, I never realised. It goes something like this:

Can I ask why?
I read a book which opened my eyes.

What kind of faith is it that gets shaken by a mere book?
Not a blind one.

But why don’t you believe?
Why should I believe? There is no evidence.

There are a lot of things which have no evidence yet you believe in them.
Like what?

Like Gravitational force, for example.
Existence of gravitational force has been scientifically proven by Newton.

When you believe what Newton said, why don’t you believe what all great spiritual leaders have said?
They have no proof of it.

You mean all the scriptures are lies?
What makes you think they are the truth?

For those who have faith, no proof is necessary.
For those who don’t, no proof is sufficient.
[this is usually said in a personally grudging, self-righteous tone]

What kind of faith is it which is arrogantly proud of the fact that it does not need a foundation of logic? How am I expected to suspend my logic for one concept but diligently follow it for all other aspects of my life? It is exactly this kind of blindness which has turned religion into a weapon of mass destruction, killing more people throughout history than any other known cause ever.

Perhaps you will understand one day.
Perhaps you will.

Now the after effects of my loss of faith have been very interesting for me personally. Contrary to my initial expectation that it will be a debilitating experience, it has been a far more strengthening one. Of course there was the initial spiritual void and the terror that I am all alone now, my support system gone, whom do I turn to when life is tough? When I am weak? And the answer I found was, myself. And it has been me alone, ever since then. A stronger me, who doesn’t need a support, coz she knows there is no support to be expected. I have been forced to become strong, because this world allows only the fittest to survive. The realization that good or bad, right or wrong, my life is a product of my decisions alone. A more honest me, who knows there are no brownie points to be expected for being nice, or negative ones for not being nice. If I am nice, its because it makes me feel good about myself, that’s all. For my own image in my eyes, not in anyone else’s. My consciousness now naked to any onslaught which my actions might result into. Naked and strong to face anything. And you know what has been the outcome? This girl who used to cry at the drop of a hat, hasn’t cried ever since then :-)

Thank you Mr. Dawkins.