Days turning into weeks, weeks flowing into months, months melting into years… only one constant- the passage of time, and always, same old me, only me… the only difference being that I am not so sure anymore who is that me.
I always lived by this principle that with age you become more sure of yourself, of what you stand for, what you believe in…maturity is the term given to that solidification of reference points, by which you try to bring some semblance of sanity to your life in this chaotic world. For me this process is happening in a surprisingly reverse order- the colored particles in the kaleidoscope of my life churning faster than ever, and I struggling frantically to maintain my balance on the shifting ground beneath my feet- just like those acrobats which walk on ropes in circuses, their entire being focusing on only the next step, the next moment…no big plan in place except to maintain a balance for as long as it takes…
While this may sound very exciting on the surface, after a point of time, even walking on rope becomes a reflex action- utilizing a remarkably tiny part of your mind.. and what you are left is an enormously vacant brain, with nothing to do except to clumsily try to connect dots and hope the dots connect to form lines which lead somewhere… In my case, I keep getting circles, one after another, with the result that I have no reference points left- don’t know where the circle begins, and where it ends.
I am beginning to understand the popularity of religion in society now- its chief function is to give people something to believe in… a complete loss of faith in everything is not a stable state of existence- you are prone to hysteria, gloom, anger and other such strong emotions which can have a severely detrimental affect on your sanity…
The typical answer of humanity to inexplicable happenings in life is fate, destiny, karma.. but how can something as fickle as destiny be any source of comfort, especially for a control freak like me? Too many questions straining my nerves, whom do I turn to for answer? There is a certain peace in certainty, oh how I crave for that peace…to just know.
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You equate belief in religion with belief in destiny, fate etc. That's a reasonable position.
But I put it to you that science may also lead you to believe in fate, too.
Consider: Everything in the universe follows the laws of the universe.
Your brain is part of the universe.
Therefore, your brain AND YOUR THOUGHTS follow the laws of the universe.
And you thought your thoughts were under your control? Think again :)
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